Monthly Reflection: October 2018

I’ve been working on these 3 self-growth goals the past year, and I honed in on them this past month. Here’s what I learned during my reflection:

Ask for what you need

Social currency is something everyone is aware of but introverts rarely take advantage of. Because introverts find comfort in solitude, we try to do everything ourselves to avoid asking for help.

It’s not because we think we could do everything ourselves. It’s often because we don’t want to be a bother to others.

As introverts, we cherish our time alone because we thrive in solitude. Above all, we know how precious time alone can be and don’t want to take that away from others.

I’ve been trying to let go of feeling like a burden or a nuisance when asking for help. Certainly, no one can do it all alone. Each person has their own unique strengths, and there will always be a friend, stranger, or family member that would be happy to help you succeed.

For instance, I ask my Sorority Big Sister (yes, I’m in a close-knit Asian-American sorority) to help kill cockroaches. I am absolutely terrified of them. So my big drives to my house, lugs her huge vacuum up my stairs, catches the cockroach, then leaves.

This may seem like a silly ask, but we only see each other once or twice a month. So half the time it’s because I need her help. As a result, I always felt guilty after she left.

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If you’ve been following my stories, you know that I struggle with mental illness. I wanted to share a podcast that’s helped me manage my mental health (alongside therapy & medications): The Savvy Psychologist. — I recommend these 3 episodes to start with: • 210 - Should I Keep Pushing Myself or Rest? 4 Simple Solutions • 195 - 5 Ways to Forgive People (Even Those Who Don’t Apologize) • 214 - Self-Improvement vs. Self-Compassion: Finding the Balance — And of course, I had to bring attention to these: • 201 - 4 Myths About Extroversion We’re Guilty of Believing • 199 - Busting 3 Persistent Myths About Introverts — Missed you all during my week-long hiatus 😭💕 so excited to catch up!! 🙌🏼 Comment below with the last act of self-care you indulged in! — #selfcarematters #selfcare #mentalhealthmatters #mentalhealthwarrior #selfgrowth #selfgrowthjourney #selflove #selflovejourney #selflovefirst #selflove❤ #selfloveisthebestlove #selfloveiskey

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Here are 3 things to remember that’s been helping me ask for what I need:

  1. No matter how much you tell people, “Let me know if you need help,” nothing says it more than allowing them to help you. 
  2. Asking for help from friends and family gives them a larger and more meaningful role in your life.
  3. Good people enjoy giving back and helping others. In other words, don’t underestimate the joy you can bring to others just by needing their help.

Let go of resistance to vulnerability

If you’ve been following me on Instagram, you may think I have no problem being vulnerable. But this is far from the truth.

Sometimes it takes me an hour and a half to write one caption. My body is usually tense and I’d be typing then backspacing over and over again until I wrote the perfect caption. Most of the time I’m covered in sweat after posting it.

My body was resisting vulnerability. After years of keeping everything to myself, I don’t blame it. It’s only natural to feel scared and uncomfortable when practicing vulnerability.

After months of dipping my toes in vulnerability, I can finally say that I’m letting go of resistance to it. Certainly, self-acceptance has been the key to this.

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Don’t allow failure to define you

Since I don’t often wow others with my speaking skills or ability to work a room, I’ve learned to connect my self-worth to outcomes like a good grade or an award. As a result, I allowed inanimate objects like report cards and resumes to define my success.

It’s just what happens when you don’t get amazing feedback from conversations with others. That is to say, you look for validation elsewhere. This often means you work twice as hard to feel successful.

I don’t think we’re looking at the right Extrovert traits to learn from. Many people think introverts need to work on becoming better speakers or being more social.

I think the best thing we can learn from extroverts is to be okay with making mistakes. Extroverts often navigate through life by doing, while introverts are cautious and think before they act.

This often makes introverts expert planners, and we start to think, “If I can plan out the perfect process, then I can reach the perfect outcome (good grades, highest leadership roles, etc.).

This leads to striving for perfectionism, which we all know isn’t a real goal. There is no perfect process, so don’t spend your entire life being afraid of failing. If we start acting on things without carefully planning, then we can simply make mistakes, reflect, and learn from them. Introverts are masters of reflection after all, so why not use that to our advantage?

This was my first monthly reflection, and I’m considering doing this every month. Please let me know if you’d like to see more of this in the comments below!

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If you have trouble asking for help or opening up, this monthly reflection is for you. 3 life lessons for the personal development of introverts and perfectionists. This month, I'm focusing on personal growth in self-love and relationships. #selfcare #selflove #selfimprovement #selfawareness #personaldevelopment #personality #introvert #introvertlife #introvertsunite
If you have trouble asking for help or opening up, this monthly reflection is for you. 3 life lessons for the personal development of introverts and perfectionists.  This month, I\'m focusing on personal growth in self-love and relationships. #selfcare #selflove #selfimprovement #selfawareness #personaldevelopment #personality #introvert #introvertlife #introvertsunite
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2 Comments

  1. November 13, 2018 / 9:43 am

    Hey love! I absolutely love this post and I relate sooo much. I hate asking people for help and I’m often only comfortable asking my boyfriend for help, but no one else. I’m so stubborn in that way because I really hate feeling like I’m bothering someone. Even for content, I hate asking friends and family to help with photos. Partially bc a photographer will always do it better, but also because asking them for help makes me feel like a bother!!! Would love to see more of these reflections!

    xx
    annabelle | http://www.mixed-hues.com

    • Alexis
      Author
      November 13, 2018 / 8:47 pm

      Awe so glad you want to see more!! And I totally feel you with photography D: I’m just starting to ask my Sorority Big to help me cause she does photography, but it took me so much to get the courage to ask!! It’s definitely tough and a work in progress. I’m guilty of only asking my bf for help, too, but we’re long-distance so I’m out of luck most of the time lool

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